Living the life I never wanted....I know this sounds bad, but it's really not. It's simply something I tell myself, my youth groupies and my family. I say it to prove a point...that although this is definitely NOT where I ever pictured I would be, it's really a great life!
Like all young people just out of high school, I was going places! I packed my bags, headed off to Winona State and decided I'd never look back. I was going to get my degree, move to a big city and be an investigative journalist at some fabulous newspaper (hence my "mild" obsession with Anderson Cooper). One thing was for certain: I was NEVER getting married and NEVER having children!
To say I had fun in college is a gross understatement. I was quite social (shocking, right?) and I liked to party. Sure it was a blast, but it didn't leave much time for pesky things like studying. I was so wrapped up in being the party girl, that I really started to lose myself. I was drinking a lot, skipping classes and living a life I knew was wrong, but nothing really stopped me. I had a ton of great friends who I took for granted. I was immature and basically just acting stupid.
I'll spare you all the details of my junior year....this is where life caught up with me. Needless to say a little bundle of joy whom we named Danny came into our lives this year. I moved back to Waterloo, transferred to UNI and settled into life as a young mother. Brian and I got married a few months later (and we are still married and happy today! I know we kind of beat the odds).
I fought my way through my last few years of college all while learning to be a wife and a working mom (loved my part-time job at Walgreens!). We didn't make much money, but we were living on love. Thank God for our parents who offered support in every way possible. I now know there are so many young moms out there who do not have any kind of support system. I am forever grateful to our families for showing us such unconditional love during those really tough years!
Well, by the grace of God, I finished college! I decided to major in English when I started at UNI (no journalism program at the time) and quickly realized I need to get a teaching degree if I ever wanted to be employed. (the joke was always the English/non-teaching students would wind up the English/non-working students). After a few classroom field experiences and my stint as a student teacher, one thing I knew for sure was I did NOT want to be a teacher because I did NOT like kids (yes...and now I work with kids...and I do like them!) But I decided to get the teaching degree as a fall back option.
On a whim after graduation, I applied for a job as a production assistant at my local TV station. The woman who interviewed me (I know God sent her to be my angel that day) told me about a job opening in the news department that I might be better suited for. An hour later I was hired as an assistant producer for the morning news! (I had no idea what that meant, but it was a job in news, at a TV station, so I was pumped!). Every morning at 2:30am (I am SO not a morning person) I was up and out the door for work. I got to write all the teases and intros for the morning newscast, do some video editing and take millions of phone calls for school closings during the harsh Iowa winters. I loved my job and was able to move into a full fledged producer position within a year.
The news business was great! Fun, fast paced and never the same. But it's also a tough business if you have a family. When I got pregnant with Abby, I was producing the 5pm newscast. I was feeling good, so I decided to do a work trip to Washington DC for an Associated Press workshop. I flew out of Reagan National Airport on September 10, 2001. Needless to say, the next day the world was changed forever and those of us in the news business were thrown into a whirlwind of live reports, death tolls and gruesome images. It made me look at life as a gift that can be taken away at any moment. I knew my priorities needed to change, but I wasn't ready to step away from this job that I loved so much.
I was lucky to have a nice, long maternity leave when Abby was born. But while I was gone, a new news director was hired. The man was a tyrant and made my life miserable. He was not an advocate for the working mom or women in general. After many disagreements, it all came to a head one day. I ended up telling him off (don't know where it came from, I'm usually such a quiet and sweet person) and he fired me. I was devastated! How would we survive without my income? But it was then that God stepped into my life again. Not only did I qualify for unemployment, but I found out one week later that I was pregnant with Tommy! Two babies, 18 months apart. It was God's way of telling me to slow down, enjoy life and stay home with those babies (who can really afford daycare for two babies on a producer's salary anyway?) So I did just that.....became a stay-at-home mom!
The title of my blog comes from a phone conversation I had when I was still staying home with my kids and my parents were on vacation. Mom called to check in and I was having a rough day (contrary to popular belief...being a stay-at-home mom isn't all just sitting on the couch, watching soaps and eating bob-bons). She asked what I was doing and my response was, "I'm just sitting here living the life I never wanted." She thought this statement was hilarious.....I, of course was sobbing (did I mention that I am an emotional basket case most of the time?) Like she always does, mom put things in perspective for me. She reminded me that although this was not the life I had imagined for myself, it was still a pretty great life. I didn't move to a big city and become a famous journalist, but I had worked in broadcasting even if it was just my local hometown station. She reminded me that I had worked my butt off to get my degree, something no one could ever take away from me. She also said that even though I never pictured myself married with kids, could I ever imagine my life without Brian and the kids now? She was right (as usual). My dreams had changed. My goals had changed. I had changed. Life is messy, it doesn't always go the way you plan (in fact it rarely goes as planned) but it doesn't mean it's not worth living.
So here I am.........living the life I never wanted! And let me tell you, I thank God every day!
Stay tuned....there's more to come!
Peace out girl scouts!
Annie
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